Victor Ketteridge

( Application for Victor Ketteridge )

I thought about whipping up this big complicated ward to specific people and I decided to myself, "Self, you'll just end up forgetting someone and then it'd just be this big round and round trying to make sure no one is left out." Therefore, instead, I'm just making a general announcement.

This Saturday is the birthday of someone special. The Chewbacca to my Han. The Spock to my Kirk. The Watson to my Sherlock. The Clorry to my Erudimus. The Robin to my Batman. The Lewis to my Martin. The Little John to my Robin Hood. The Salazar to my Godric (before the disagreement, and even though we're both Ravenclaws). The Swordsman to my Empirical Knight. The Tanto to my Lone Ranger. The Kato to my Green Hornet. The El Oine to my Savien.

So Hex-Mex is going to be throwing a big bash for him (apologies in advance to neighbouring shoppes if it gets loud or in the street!), starting in the afternoon and lasting until the Hitwizards come out and tell everyone to go home. Anyone who wants to come by, feel free to come by! It'll likely be a much smaller affair than I'm hinting at, really, by the way, so those of you that still want to come in for lunch or dinner are welcome to do so.

But otherwise, come out and celebrate the life and times of Geoff Wagtail! He's getting old and it's probably a good time to celebrate before his memory begins to go.



[ooc | if you don't recognize a pair of names, it's because I made it up for Wizarding books - play along!]

Q: What goes better with tacos than cookies?

A: Not much!




In the spirit of eating cookies love and sharing, I've given some Young Witches permission to set up a table outside Hex-Mex where they can sell cookies to customers (I know, I'm totally making your diets hard to maintain, sorry about that) and have a safe and open place to market their addictive little delights.

So in light of today's events, I've added a new item to the Hex-Mex menu!



For every one of these purchased between now and the Purple Hats gala, Hex-Mex will donate one sickle to my brother Ashley's new Muggle Assistance Fund on behalf of the lovely ladies at the Purple Hats.

Eat hearty, my friends!

With all of this talk about equality and fairness going on, I just wanted to make a quick note: Hex-Mex is still hiring! I could really use at least one more person and I don't make any snap judgements. If you're white, brown, blue, grey, orange, black, Pure, Half, Muggleborn, Kettleborn, Mermaid (bonus), Goblin, Centaur, Three-Fifths Monkey, it doesn't matter as long as you take pride in your work and can make a taco using the freshest ingredients in Britain.

Disclaimer - if you have a lot of hair or other physical needs, we will need to make adjustments accordingly to keep our tacos clean and worry-free for our customers.

The best part is you can work with me, Addie Banges, Clive and Owen Smith (no relation), and Tinky the Shoppe Elf (he doesn't like being called a house elf if he works in a shoppe).

I'll also take this opportunity to inform everyone that in thanks for such a successful launch, we'll be doing a promotion AND introducing some new tacos next month!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see a dragon!

Everyone say hello to Hex-Mex's Newest Employee!

( wave thine wands )

Sorry, only picture I could easily get a hold of is from an old copy of Quidditch Monthly. That's right! You can come have a taco made by a professional sports star. No extra charge.

ALSO: If you bring in a copy of today's Quibbler, you get one free taco of your choice! Limit one per customer per day, and today only, etc etc.

[Warded to Ash]

The McKinnonseses are pretty brilliant. Kirk brought her around to see about a job and I was in need a non-large non-brutish non-male employee that didn't look suspiciously like a house elf, so it all works out!

[End Ward]

[Warded to Addie]

Welcome to the team! Just a couple of quick pointers - remember we always use the freshest ingredients we can get - if you want to supply from your own garden that you mentioned during the interview, I'll make sure you get compensated fairly for them. However much help you need picking up the ins and outs of making tacos, let me know and I'll spare the time - I suspect you'll get the hang of it quickly! And lastly, no uniforms. I'm not into that whole 'everyone look the same at work' policy some places have. It stifles individuality and means you start getting 'work clothes' as some kind of closet segregation.

Anyway, first day is tomorrow! Hours are 11am to 9pm, though we'll sort out your schedule between Clive, Tinky, and Owen. Until we manage to get more employees, business is strong enough for one or two more.

[End Ward]

Thanks to my brilliant family, I have all of my permits, industrial cookware, even more permits, some interviews for potential employees lined up, advertisements, and best of all, my menu! Special thanks to Beth and Ophie for donating so much of their time today.

Ladies and Gents, my logo! The sign will be in place SOON.




And the big reveal, the menu! Reasonable prices, I think. Looking forward to your business!

( Swish and Flick! )

Grand opening was last night, and now we're open for business! I need some employees SOON, I haven't slept!

So I know I just regaled you all with a notice of my taco party, but I wanted to make it official and not take away from the ongoing discussion of how amazing they are. Tacos, not me. Though yes, I'm fairly grand, I know, it runs in the family.

I've given notice at my current job at Terrortours. Adventures are fun until they become a career. Instead, I've purchased the lease to the building that Fontana's was in and I'm opening a new eatery. You should come down and have some tacos! Thanks to the oh so yummy nature of magic, it didn't take long to transform an Italian restaurant to a little mixed culture eatery.

So I'd like to invite everyone down to the grand opening of HEX-MEX!

Tonight. I'm making tacos for everyone!

Also, uhm. If anyone's looking for work, I may need employees. I have to think ahead.

[Warded to Ketteridges]

I'm a business owner! Do I get points for spontaneous thinking without planning? No? You're probably right. But I do make great tacos. And enchiladas. And quesadillas, burritos, salsa, homemade tortillas, and about twenty other dishes that I should probably spend more time perfecting.

Free food for family?

[End Ward]

I have two goals in mind today:

1. Hold a TACO PARTY and invite everyone who wants tacos.

2. Rent a place to hold a taco party, because I doubt Ash would like his place volunteered. (See, I'm thoughtful)

Because Taco Tuesday isn't complete without Tacos. Anyone interested? Have a special taco recipe? What do you like on your tacos? What do you NOT like on your tacos? Honestly, it's one of the best foods in existence.

I made this mess today:


And I have always been one to share.

List of things I need to pick up today for the flat:

1. horrible, disgusting shrimp crisps for Ash
2. some GOOD crisps, cheddar perhaps
3. paper for the loo
4. coffee cremer
5. a new boardgame
6. a pair of steaks for this weekend
7. an outdoor grill
8. charcoal
9. hickory or mesquite wood chips, because magical fire adds no flavour!
10. beer
11. new toothbrush
12. new toothbrush for Ash while I'm at it
13. a replacement bottle of that 'Faberge' shampoo, oops
14. something chocolate

So I've decided on a fortune-making plan. I'm going to purify and bottle mountain spring water, then sell it.

Normally I'm a big fan of adventures and zombie films, but yesterday was not something I would ever care to see again. So many lost and injured again, innocent people. So much for not wanting to spill magical blood

This is one of those days where you desperately wish there was something you could just do that would make everything better. My heart goes out to all of you, named or not.

Fontana's is closed for business! I guess the food poisoning incident didn't do well at all. That's a shame, I kind of liked a few of their pasta dishes.

[Warded to Ash and Elizabeth]

So, how can I convince the two of you into helping me look for my own flat? You've both been on me about it for awhile, and Ash is probably tired of me eating all his crisps and lounging around without my trousers.

I really don't want to, but it seems I've been reading up on housing contracts and I'm completely up to speed on how the whole deal works, but what I'm not good at is the more experienced side. I've never done the whole flat-hunting experience. New adventure! You two in?

[End Ward]

[Warded to Veronica]

How's work?

[End Ward]

I'm in the mood for waffles.

[Warded to Rosmerta]

Happy Birthday to my favourite bartending beauty. Did you want to do drinks at your own pub, or sample the fare elsewhere? Adventure of the Mummy King opens this weekend, so I had today off - which means I slept in AND have no plans, so my evening is wide open.

Which reminds me, you should be receiving your gift sometime soon, if not already. I had some young blokes at the local floral shoppe cut up some large, ripe melons and make an arrangement. Thought you might appreciate the gesture - more useful than flowers, I think?

[End Ward]

[Warded to Ash]

Flat might be all yours tonight. Don't wait up!

[End Ward]

[Warded Private]

Thank you, Death Eaters, for continuing to terrorise people and making them feel miserable on my birthday. I kept away from my journal most of the night and had to read about my cousin wanting to pick up just one of her cats. What purpose does that even serve? Are the Death Eaters no better than Hogwarts bullies? She was supposed to be enjoying dinner with her family!

[End Ward]

[Warded to Dinner Attendees Tonight]

I'm looking forward to seeing all of you at dinner tonight. It's been way too long, yeah? I'm even dressing up. Birthday gifts aren't necessary, it'll just be more stuff in Ash's flat. Unless Ash doesn't mind Honestly, just having everyone together is a gift itself. And I'll get to see nieces and nephews and in-laws and everything. It'll be grand. Like Christmas. Just without the decorations and caroling...

It's probably too late to ask for decorations and caroling, isn't it?

[End Ward]

I should get a birthday puppy too. Maybe one with big floppy ears and a sad little face.

[Warded to Veronica Smethley]

I attempted to wait the prerequisite twenty-four to forty-eight hours after our date to write you, but I imagine you were pretty busy chasing the bad guys after what they did at the Prophet and the WWN. Not to mention me being kind of preoccupied with my brother being one of the injured, along with several friends. It's been hectic, you know?

Anyway. I had a good time. I think you may still have my leather cloak. Did you enjoy the sneak peek of the Mummy King? He's asked after you. Only he can't speak, so I go by body language. When things let up, you want to do it again?

[End Ward]

I spent all of today lounging in a windowsill, reading. Good use of the day, for certain.

[Warded to Ash]

Ash! Please answer and tell me you're all right. I swear, I'll stop acting like an idiot and provoking the Death Eaters. I'll stay out of Muggle London and I won't even talk to anyone outside of wards if you'll just tell me you're all right.

I promise to stop walking about without trousers in your flat and I won't toss the prawn crisps anymore. I'll even do dishes. Just.. .just be all right.

[End Ward]

[Warded to Doris Crockford]

C'mon Crockpot, tell me you're okay. Please, for the love of Merlin and small fluffy puppies. I've kind of adopted you as a sister after our time at Ash's. It's important to me you're all right. I'm gonna go to Mungo's and see if you're there.

[End Ward]

Victor's Adventure Log, continued. This week's installment will be known as The Curse of the Mummy King.

As many of you may know, or will know after you read to the end of this sentence, I recently picked up a job where I get to test out adventures for Terrortours. What this means is that I get to go on adventures, risking life and limb, and get PAID FOR IT. This is undoubtedly the best job on the planet. Best. Job. Oh, and I report any problems or unnecessary dangers to the designers, who then make adjustments as needed, and all that fun stuff. So it's not all fun and games. Just.. 95% of it.

So now I'm going to try and help everyone live vicariously through me and my adventures in Terrorsitting (that's my new term, since I'm kind of babysitting tours of terror). This past week, I was tasked with braving a cursed and trapped tomb belonging to a long dead Emperor King. Before you ask, I don't know why there's two titles. I think it's just to sound more impressive. Like Lord High Chamberlain. He's Lord and High. See? Anyway. The adventure. I don't want to spoil it since some of you may want to actually go on the adventure, so I'm just going to cover some highlights.

When you don't get impaled by spikes shooting from the wall too early, you can thank me for spotting that one!
When you don't get hit with the curse that makes your entrails become your extrails, you can thank me for getting that changed! (Instead you'll just piddle yourself. Fair trade.)
When you don't take an arrow to the knee (because you pressed the wrong button), you can thank me for that one!
When you don't catch the actor portraying the Mummy King having sex with one of the other staff memb-- probably shouldn't include this one
When you don't fall into a pit without a cushioning charm, you can remember I got that one fixed.
When you don't come home feeling terribly pleased and excited after your adventure, well, you can't be human. (or ex-human, for the living impaired that may be reading this and wondering what you can do for fun)

I feel you'll have a grand time! I believe you'll enjoy yourself immensely. I love being able to do this for a living. Disclaimer: I'm not a Ministry employee, I'm just inspired by the outpouring of thoughts today. Thanks to my sister! If you haven't read her coomments, you should. Pretty brilliant.

ALSO, happy day after your birthday to my dear brother Oscar! I was knee-deep in mummy guts yesterday (only not literally) and unable to get free, but I figured Femie would have you occupied anyway. Let's do lunch this weekend. MY TREAT.

[Warded to Ketteridges]

I haven't really invested much into it yet, but my adventure log apparently got someone's attention. Which means I was asked to come in about a potential job. So, I cleaned up and went to see what they were interested in having me apply for.

It went pretty well. Lots of questions about things I've already done, things I see myself doing, things I'm willing to do. You know, general job interview questions.

So starting Monday, your brother is employed again for now. You're going to be the proud family of the newest Adventure Tester at Terrortours. Which means I go on their new adventures and try them out, look for pros and cons, then give constructive feedback before they're opened to the customers. You know, to make sure they're safe and all that. Apparently it's a difficult job to maintain?

Did you know part of the interview process is actually going on an adventure? I had to run around shirtless with nothing but baggy trousers and a spear for a few hours. Charmed environment, though, so it wasn't cold. I've got a picture.

[End Ward]

( Wave your wand! )

The lady who took this photo surreptitiously gave me her address. However, I'm not going to just show up at her place, mainly because I never even got her name. I guess I'm a little old-fashioned.

You know it's a good job interview when part of the selection process is getting you to hunt a wild boar. (I got the job, by the way, everybody.)